BATTLE DRAFT: Best Hand-to-Hand Fighters in Comics ROUND 4

big ol fight

The purpose of this draft is to identify the best hand-to-hand combatants of the comic book universe. This excludes chemically (Capt America, Deathstroke) or technologically(Midnighter, Deathlok) advanced. It's a 6-round snake draft, which means the order reverses every other round. This took place over the course of a weekend, alcohol was consumed at various points, and a LOT of the chatting between picks didn't make the cut.

View Rounds 1 & 2 HERE
View Round 3 HERE

Round 4 starts  with Grant's selection, which causes an absolutely uproar. This Friday we'll have a poll to vote on whose team YOU thought was best!

Kevin - Team Awesome Pants (Karnak, Black Widow, Dick Grayson)
Emily - Team Throat Punch (Splinter, Mantis, Cassandra Cain)
Droo - Team Classy Kick Assy (Iron Fist, Batman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Ben - Kraven Some Raven (Kraven the Hunter, Daredevil, Orson Randall)
Grant - Groin Annihilators (Karate Kid, Gamora, Lady Shiva)

round 4

16. the Taskmaster - 

Ol' Tasky is a helluva guy: he owns his own training school, has top pick of most assassination contacts, and he also has this neat little ability to copy any move that anyone makes and incorporate it into his own skillset. 

His eidetic memory of fight moves may cause him to forget his own backstory from time to time, but geez, man: He knows the moves of every top hand-to-hand fighter in the Marvel universe, and during a brawl he'll learn from any of the above listed and use it against another opponent. That's pretty scary to go against, but a really huge asset for my group of fighters. 

(E: AHH FUCKIN TASKMASTER I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW.)
(B: TASKFUCKINGMASTER)
(D: It was a brilliant play and I hate you for it. And at the top of the 4th round. Fuck you, man.)

 

17. Ted Grant "Wildcat" 

A world class boxer. He's got that classic Rocky esque background. An orphan who turned to the world of crime only to take on the alter ego of Wildcat to right his wrongs only to have his mentor murdered. 

 He's mentored the Batman, superman and  Black Canary. He's a fighter. He'll jab you into oblivion and piss on you as he marks his territory. 

 

D: This draft devolves as you all drink so I'm gonna sneak in and swoop up

18. Kitty Pryde (Earth-616)

Forget the mutant phasing powers. Forget that she's hands down the cutest of the X chicks. Hell forget that she has a PET ALIEN DRAGON. Kitty kicks all kinds of ass.

She trained with Wolverine. She was possessed by the ninja demon Ogun who implanted LIFETIMES of ninja and samurai knowledge in her delightful brain parts. It made Shadowcat a master of aikido, karate and ninjitsu. Oh be tee dubs, she's also highly skilled in the Israeli art of Krav Maga.

Martial artists require poise and grace, full control over their bodies. Good thing Kitty is at a professional level for ballet and modern dance. Also she's a knockout for the eyes.

(B: Kitty mutha fucking pryde with a Y)

 

E: I see Droo's earlier badass film/tv-turned-comic babe and raise you another:

19. River Tam -- Firefly

A child prodigy that would put Mozart to shame, River was literally dancing circles around adult geniuses of all fields when she was exposed to some freaky-dealy research and had her brain all kinds of fucked-up.

So, you have a genius with the ability to immediately master pretty much any intellectual OR physical ability, with the bonus of having that pesky amygdala removed and not having to worry about those annoying feelings of fear and empathy. 

Also, she can kill you with her brain. 

(D: Shit! Sneaky good pick.)
(E: Buffy got me thinkin'.)
(G: Dammit. Good pick.)

 

K: THAT’S IT!

 You guys wanna sling CHEESE, here comes the gouda! These two picks is where I win!

 Batting clean-up for my team is none other than:

20. Doreen Green – The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (Earth 616).

 It’s right in her title: UNBEATABLE. She has never lost no matter who she faces; hero, villain, cheesecake, it makes no difference. She Wolverine in hand to hand combat (no claw popping obviously allowed). She smacked around Kraven like he was the C-lister that he is. Hell, she beat Galactus even. Why would you fuck with her?

 She’s even been an Avenger (the Great Lakes variety). Yet her list of human allies is dwarfed by the army of squirrels that head her beck and call from all over the planet. Doreen has been given the title (by herself) the “Anti-Life Slayer of all the Breathes. ” Who can stand up to that?

 Her down side is that she’s too nice. She will beat you up and then share her walnuts with you. She always has a traveling companion too, be it Tippy Toe or Monkey Joe. Speaking of monkeys.

(D: Squirrel Girl? Inspired.)