BATTLE DRAFT: Best Hand-to-Hand Fighters in Comics FINAL ROUND

The purpose of this draft is to identify the best hand-to-hand combatants of the comic book universe. This excludes chemically (Capt America, Deathstroke) or technologically(Midnighter, Deathlok) advanced. It's a 6-round snake draft, which means the order reverses every other round. This took place over the course of a weekend, alcohol was consumed at various points, and a LOT of the chatting between picks didn't make the cut.

View Rounds 1 & 2 HERE
View Round 3 HERE
View Round 4 HERE
View Round 5 HERE

Grant leads the final charge with the first pick of the 5th round. Do vote in our poll to see whose  team YOU thought was best!

Kevin - Team Awesome Pants (Karnak, Black Widow, Dick Grayson, Squirrel Girl, Hit Monkey)
Emily - Team Throat Punch (Splinter, Mantis, Cassandra Cain, River Tam, Blade)
Droo - Team Classy Kick Assy (Iron Fist, Batman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Kitty Pryde, Batman Beyond)
Ben - Kraven Some Raven (Kraven the Hunter, Daredevil, Orson Randall, Wildcat, Punisher)
Grant - Groin Annihilators (Karate Kid, Gamora, Lady Shiva, Taskmaster, Ozymandias)

26. Snake Eyes (GI Joe)

Ooooohhh shit, you're in for it now - the baddest ass in all the GI Joe universe, most of his file is STILL marked "classified." Snake Eyes came into the Arashikage dojo when he was a simple gaijin (y'know, after he had his body burned and torn apart saving his true love from a burning helicopter wreck), and eventually gained such honor and respect from the Hard Master that he was asked to head the House instead of Storm Shadow, the heir through lineage. 

 Snake is a black belt in 12 different martial arts practices, can go absolutely bananas with either swords or guns, is quieter than a worm fart, and has trained nearly every ninja worth mentioning in the Joes. Did I mention he's so fucking hard core that he has a pet wolf? He does, and he's COBRA's most wanted...even after all these years. 

(D: SNAKE EYES, FUCK ME RUNNING THAT'S GOLD)
(E: *ugly sobbing*)
(B: Great pick there)

 

27. Walter Kovacs - Rorschach (Watchmen)

Thanks, Grant, for opening my brain up to this realm.

I'm sticking with the theme of insane pain tolerance and a terrifyingly strong will. If you laugh off this selection, first of all eat it, second of all, recall the prison scene from Watchmen. Rorschach is terrifying and not only a superior hand to hand fighter but a master of using the present environment.

He's a street fighting gymnast who doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else. He wore a trench coat into the fucking
Arctic. You can not hurt this man. I think he likes it when you try.

Deuces

 (G: DAYUM! Kevin was thinking about picking him. Really damn solid.)

 

28. Ryu (Street Fighter)

Shoryuken.

Hadouken.

/drops mic
/leaves draft

 

E: Y'all were naysaying my next pick to kingdom come, but I say FUCK IT I WANT THE CANUCK. 

 29. James Howlett - Wolverine (Earth 616)

Sure, he depends on his healing factor a lot.  Yeah, he snaps and has berzerker rages.  But beneath that fuzzy exterior is a highly trained fighter who is the best at what he does, even though sometimes it isn't pretty OR strategic. 

Besides, even WITH those--you might call them setbacks, I call them insurance--we're still talking about a hand-to-hand destroying machine (killing is too friendly a word) who DOESN'T depend on fancy-schmancy tech help (lookin' at you, Wayne) or mystical training wheels to do it.  

 *stomps on Droo's mic with her hooker heels of Canadian justice and exits the building*

(G: BOOOOOOOOOOOO)

 

K: It has come to this. The last and final pick. This is the guy coming off the bench. The 6th man. This pick should be splashy. It should make people quiver. It should change the course of the battle. That’s why I choose:

 30. Longshot – (Earth 616 – Mojoverse)

Is he splashy? Can you think of some one more dashing than Longshot? You’re lying.

Does he make people quiver? He makes the ladies quiver downstairs. He makes the men quiver downstairs, too.

Does he change the course of the battle? Only always.

Longshot is an artificially created being - He has hollow bones (all but one baby), yet strong musculature which allows him acts of superhuman strength, speed, and dexterity. He has a healing ability that rivals Wolverines and reflexes that rival Spider-Man’s. He is an expert in bladed weaponry as well, always carrying a bandolier of  blades which he hurls with unflinching accuracy. He is also extremely good looking, which is also a super power (see above).

But where he changes the battle -- even history -- is his luck. He can change the probability of any event consciously or unconsciously to allow him or someone else to benefit from the what would seem to be a roll of a die. You want to throw a basketball out of a moving plane off of a skyscraper, over the E train, and into a hoop in central park? It aint no thang. The trick is that if he uses this ability to his own selfish ends, his luck will eventually turn on him to disastrous results. Good thing he’s such a nice guy.

Longshot can change the course of any battle… lets just hope I benefit from it.

 

Well, we know what we think about our squads - what about you?