Idris Elba Cast as Roland Deschain

In a bit of news that's sure to floor your mama, British actor/man-crush Idris Elba has been announced as portraying Roland Deschain in Stephen King's incredible epic, "the Dark Tower." 

Akiva Goldsmith, winner of the 2001 Best Screenplay Oscar for 'A Beautiful Mind, has been after Elba for quite some time now, and the casting is truly inspired - Elba is coming off a true Oscar snub after his performance in 'Beasts of No Nation,' and has been doing nothing but knocking roles out of the park for the last several years. 

Earlier there were rumors of Roland being played by Russell Crowe or Javier Bardem, but the news of Elba is, personally speaking, better than either of those two award-winning actors. Elba is one of the most hypnotizing actors around, able to give performances as deep as they are engaging. Watch 'Luther' or 'the Wire' and tell me he won't be able to bring a haunted gravitas to a role that desperately needs it. 

The character of Roland is never assigned a specific ethnicity, but it's widely-regarded that a lot of assholes will get butt hurt over this; many assumed the actor playing Roland would be Caucasian. Well, Uncle Stevie has a message for you: