Ho Ho Ho Hoes, Santa Sledge has some Afwul Sledgies for 2016, a year so foul that people sought the afterlife to escape it’s clutches.
In Video Games, the Awful Sledgie goes to Street Fighter V. Now I know what your thinking. SFV has turned out to be a decent game. But what you idiots are forgetting is that for 6th months this barely qualified as a game. I ranted literally and audibly on The Court of Nerds about this game in February and again in July. It still has some of the lowest user rated scores on Metacritic this year, and that’s counting No Man’s Sky. The new Marvel Versus Capcom better be great or Santa Sledge will shove some coal up somewhere Dhalsim can’t even stretch.
My Awful Sledgie for Board Games goes to “Mouthguard Challenge” by River Colony Trading. Now I shouldn’t fault a company or toy maker for trying to cash in on Youtube stupidty, but we should look out for the stupid otherwise they may try to make you play with them at a social function and you’ve had too many drinks to tell a good idea from a bad idea and for some reason sticking an oversized, lockjaw inducing, smelly jock strap of guard in your moth might be fun. Even for the Frattiest of Frat boys this is a bad idea. The cards are neither risqué nor clever which seems altogether fitting because the concept of this game is so damn stupid I just gave myself a concussion to try to forget it. Why not milk chug challenge the collectable card game River Colony Trading?
For Cinema, my Awful Awful Awful Sledgie goes to Dawn of Justice. This movie made me so mad I wanted to carve MARTHA on Zac Snyder’s chest with kryptonite Spear. You had so much going for you. Great actors, check. Great universe, check. A public willing to pay for anything superhero related, Check. Hell, you had a blueprint for Superman V Batman in the Dark Knight Returns but you had to muck that up. Seriously What the Hell was with Eisenberg’s Luther. What the Hell was with the Bruce Waynes damn dream sequences that literally added nothing to the story. And MARTHA. Wonder Woman maybe a make or break for DC at the box office, but what do I know about the movie going public.
Well it’s been another year, and Gotham is still my least favorite “superhero” show of all time, but it wasn’t as bad as Pacific Heat. If you watch Netflix, then you might want to watch this bad knock off of Archer set in Australia. The animation is terrible, the characters are bland, and jokes die on the like a beached whale – stinky and prone to kill anyone who ventures to close. So you get my television Awful Sledgie Pacific Heat, hope you don’t make to season two.
For Comics I have to rail against Brian Michael Bendis. I have stood by Bendis in the past. He revitalized Marvel Comics at the turn of the millennium and was instrumental to my devotion to the 1610. But no more. Stop. Civil War Part Duex was a hacknied mess of an event that destroyed any good will that I had. It’s still not over even though the Marvel has been releasing post Civil War 2 storylines for over two months. It’s so bad Grant has sworn off Marvel until they bring back OG Wolverine, but I’m not Grant so I’m not nearly smart or handsome enough to stop giving Marvel money… so I guess the Awful Sledgie in Comics goes to me…. Because I’m an enabler.