Rant for Rant's Sake Comic Review: Civil War II - The Oath

I thought I could get past this. I thought I was done being mad because we could move on. But what we are moving into is so much more worse than that which we are leaving behind.

I have been given a license to spell my thoughts out completely about this book; to go "full Sledge" if you will. As a result I will have to give the following caution:

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Warning: 

What Follows is an Expletive Driven Stream of Consciousness in which I Exorcise Marvel's Comic Book Demon's From My Soul

 

 

 

 

Ready.

 

 

 

 

You've been warned.

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MARVEL!

YOU CONTINUITY BENDING, CHARACTER DESTROYING, PIECE OF SHIT DISNEY FRONT MASQUERADING AS A COMIC BOOK OPERATION. 

 

Sorry about that. This is a comic book review as well. On to the review.

Tony Stark is comatose, or rebuilding himself internally, or having an out of body tête-à-tête with Bendis' ball sack... who the fuck knows. So Steve Rogers gets some alone time with "not quite a corpse Tony" (which initially came off as a weird A Rose for Emily type shtick), where he decides to monologue to the not so Iron anymore man. It gets real weird real fast. Rogers keeps making references to heroes and not including himself. He uses "double-speak" in ways that seem contradictory to the character of Steve Rogers. 

This monologue covers the entire comic, despite us checking in on Clint Barton, Miles Morales, and Carol Danvers, there is a slowing building crescendo of bile that exits the mouth of Captain America that seems like it was put through a Fox News filter and spat back out at us. 

Example: I'll give you a fucking example.

It's that reasonable sounding bullshit that will begin the mobilization of jackbooted thugs. It's that rationalization that will bring about a fascist regime and the vindication of violence toward "the other." This is Hydra.

THIS IS THE POINT IN THE COMIC WHERE YOU FLIP IT OVER TO SEE WHO WROTE THIS.

YUP. NICK FUCKING SPENCER.

If you don't remember Ben Raven's review of Steve Rogers: Captain America #1, than refresh yourself with it now. 

CHOKE ON URU ORE YOU.... calm, calm down Sledge... You have to get through the review.

So...

This is and isn't Steve Rogers. He's not a Skrull. He's some kind of Hydra clone, some new shape shift alien species like we saw in Captain Marvel... or even some Nazi soul inside on Steve's body. Remember when Rogers died in the first Civil War? Seems to me he actually died and is still dead. This guy has been fooling everybody sense then. He has played his role very well and has been given the keys to SHEILD again. He is literally in charge of everything. He is the toppest of all top world cops. He has plans.

You know when Ulysses predicted Miles killing Steve? Yup, that is going to happen. That is what they are building to. Miles "I'm alternate reality Spiderman" Morales is going to kill Steve "I'm a Hydra agent" Rogers. We are treated to scenes of Hydra ruling Washington and establishing order throughout the good ole "we might be more fascist than we think" USA. As a little present, Marvel gives us the banner for their new event.

So, remember when everybody got upset when Captain America said "Hail Hydra" in that comic I made you re-read the review of. Everybody all over rose up and complained... EVERYWHERE.

Marvel decided to DOUBLE THE FUCK DOWN

You don't like Captain Hydra, too the fuck bad, you're gonna get that mother fucker for an extended period of time. He will be in everything, manipulating behind the scenes and we are going to have AN ORPHAN KID FROM A DEAD UNIVERSE KILL HIM. 

Spider Egg Filled Plum Sacks

You know what makes this even worse... We actually had good art for the Civil War series, but this book... It's steamy garbage in comparison. It's an angular, three toned bukkake mess. 

SO YOU KNOW WHAT, COMIC BOOK? YOU GET THIS:

Rating: -1000/10 Hydra House

Thanks for plunging an increasingly dark world into greater darkness. 

Assholes.