BATTLE DRAFT: Best Stable of 80's & 90's Wrestlers ROUND 3

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Last we checked, the first two rounds saw the boys taking some of the best wrestlers of all time, let alone from the predetermined timeline. Now the gang’s stables begin to take shape a little bit more, revealing future plans…or revisiting old plans, as you’ll soon see.

 

3.1: Kevin - Oh, that’s right: you think I need another. I don’t but I’m going to humor you all anyway. You cog swagglers. 

Well check this coming out of left field. Lets go with the man the encapsulated early 90’s teenage angst. The personification of Lollapalooza in the wrestling ring. I’m talking about none other than Steve Borden, better known as “Sting.

Sting held 25 total championships throughout his career, including 21 between WCW and TNA. Readers of Pro Wrestling Illustrated named him "Most Popular Wrestler of the Year" on four occasions, a record he shares with John Cena. In 2016, Sting was inducted into the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Hall of Fame. Slam! Sports wrote that he holds "a lofty level of prestige that few will ever touch."

He took on the Four Horsemen, he took on The New World Order, he took on Immortal, in took in more steroids then would kill an elephant, and he took on a subscription to Avon skin care because damn that’s allot of makeup.

There will be no born-again-ing for you after this Droo.

 

Ben: Goldberg, Sting and Andre the Giant. That's fun

Kevin: Hear that, @Grant Stoye. @Benjamin Raven thinks I'm fun!

Drew: Weirdest stable ever

Grant: Fun like a rectal exam

Kevin: exactly. wait... you’re not being serious. my doctor might have some explaining to do… 

 

 

3.2: Drew - Kevin, with your balls being as old as they, how are you so wrong? You would think that many grey pubes would eventually lead you to some sort of knowledge but apparently it just leads to BlueChew.com. Let me get this pick in real quick before Grant and Ben start shouting stupid shit at the Alexa in my living room.

To be the man, you gotta beat the man. You gotta be stylin and profilin. KISS STEALIN AND WHEELIN DEALIN you sons of guns. 

WHO THE FUCK WANTS A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN

Ric "THE NATURE BOY" Flair. WOO. WOO WOO WOO. WOO. 

Woo.  

Woo woo woo woo woo woo. 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Not only is he one of the most iconic wrestlers of all time, he is arguably the best on the mic all time. Flair is wrestling to an entire generation. And a great member of ANY STABLE!! 4 Horsemen AND Evolution member? 

Also

WOO!  

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Can't wait to see how Grant justifies taking The Big Show next. Because ya know. He's big. And a show. 

  

Grant: it's great that you're trying to meet the leather-skinned grandpa standard Ben set

Drew: Man, we drafting them in their PRIME! If you take Mick Foley, you get him with both ears!

Grant: leather. Moobs. naw, i got my BOLD choice all queued up!

Grant: ...i'm self-doubting everything right meow

Kevin: thats no different than how you normally are.

 

 

3.3: Grant - You mealy-mouthed motherfuckers. You think you've got guys who can jaw? Guys who can toss around grown men like so many of your padded underoos? You think you can make a choice while hiding in a truck stop bathroom for the big man to quit kissing you? Well guess what? YA DONE GOOFED. 

I'm drafting the single best promo cutter in the history of promo cutting, the dude whose comic-book physique struck fear into the hearts of those around him. You choose the man from parts unknown, THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR.

This high-energy turbine of a dude is the first person to hold both the Intercontinental (2x winner, btw) and World Heavyweight Titles concurrently, whipping ol' Hulky boy for the big belt. Also, the guy may have been insane. 

His entrances were live-wire electric and his mic work was delightfully batshit, but it was all part of his Warrior Mystic. He was stronger than everyone, he was crazier than everyone, and he dominated wrestling in the timeframe we established. I honestly can't think of a better addition to any stable than a man beast that wore makeup and terrorized all who opposed him. 

I don't know why you guys are letting me win this, but I'm pretty happy with the results so far. Next time, try not to draft with one hand on the keyboard and another plunging for fudge. 

Ben, stop rubbing that Salisbury steak sensually and make your comical choice!

 

Drew: Weird fact, Ultimate Warrior also more or less predicted his own death on live TV....if I am remembering that moment in time correctly.

Kevin: fuck. Good pick Grant. I mean… that wasn't good...idiot!

Grant: was Warrior really that "meh" in terms of technicality?

Drew: Oh yeah. His offense is super pedestrian, he never really tried to innovate

Ben: he was a walking hamfist who hurt everyone. wwe did a hit piece on him, he was so hated. trying to find the story where andre punched him in the face during a match

Grant: the Giant punched Warrior?

Ben: warrior would do the spot too fast and hurt the big guy, so the next night giant just put his fist up and warrior ran into it like a jamoke

-- Ben sends in a familiar pick…-- 

 

3.4: Ben - Wow. The only thing tougher to watch than Warrior’s promos were his matches. Way to draft the Trent Dilfer of professional wrestling, Grant. 

I’m going to add The Best There Is, The Best There Was and the Best There Ever Will Be in Bret Hart.

From tag team specialist to intercontinental champion to the main event to the man largely responsible for the Stone Cold we know and love, he has literally done it all. He’s been part of the best matches and rivalries of all time, and also the most controversial moments.

No one was better in the ring. No one. Whether it was a brawl with Austin, a masterpiece with Shawn or an emotional war with his brother Owen, this man has succeeded to the highest level no matter the opponent, gimmick or match type.

Five-time WWF champ, Royal Rumble winner, two-time king of the ring, two-time IC holder and two-time tag team champ. Hell, he even won the WCW belt twice and US title four times.

 

Kevin: @Benjamin Raven, didn't Droo pick Hart?

Drew: YES. HE DID.

Ben: Thought it was flair? … Oh fuck

Drew: THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER! Muahahahahahaha

Ben: Never mind. You’re welcome for selling your pick

Grant: oh my gosh, that walk up to the Hitman double-pick was glorious

 

Editor’s Note: In case it’s not obvious yet, Ben made the unforgiveable fantasy drafting sin of choosing a player that has already been taken. The fact that it was one of Ben’s all-time favorite wrestlers makes it even more delicious…

 

3.4: Ben version 2.0 - What does the team of Hulk, Macho Man need? Nothing really, to be honest, but I guess Yokozuna will have to do.

(Let’s ignore that Bret Hart double pick. Just a token of how much I love him.) 

6-feet-4 inches tall weighing in at north of 500 pounds is one of the most impressive specimens to ever grace this earth. The man who killed Hulkamania and sent Randy to the announce booth, won the Royal Rumble, WWF championship twice, and held the tag titles twice with Owen Hart. 

He beats you by dragging your lifeless body over to the corner, then climbs to the second rope and sits on you for as long as he wants. Not to mention that this big boy could move and kick in his prime. 

Nothing has terrified me more (other than Grant’s grundle) than Yokozuna. 

 

And that’s it for Round 3! Check back tomorrow for Round 4, or flip back to Round 1 to see the earlier picks and judge how the stables are coming together.