ALRIGHTY, here’s the very last round, where the boys select just who is gonna represent their stable of amazing vintage grapplers. The ruling is that it could be either an escort (think Trish Stratus) or a manager (think Paul Bearer). Whichever the fellas think would best promote their stables. First up the final round is Benzo!
6.1: Ben - My manager is easy, while Miss Elizabeth is right there, I need me some Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. There is no one better out there. You can try and get cute with your bios, but this is not a topic up for debate.
From forming stables, to turning characters, to being one of the most entertaining/creative figures to ever grace professional wrestling -- as a performer active or manager. There is no bigger integral player to the boom of professional wrestling in the 1980s. Whether a villain or a hilarious cohort to Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby ruled all.
6.2: Grant - I had an about-face after reading Ben's derpy selection. First, I was almost 100% in on Lita. She's a knockout (DUH) but she also could hold her own as evidenced by the fact she could LITERALLY kick anyone's ass in the Attitude Era. However, if you want someone to be the mouthpiece for a stable, the real brains behind the scene, you ask for one man and one man only:
The Mouth from the South, JIMMY HART.
Not only did he get his start managing Jerry "the King" Lawler, but you saw his name attached to ALL the best guys in the 80's and 90s: The Million Dollar Man, Andre the Giant, Rick Rude, Randy Savage, the Iron Sheik, and Hulk Hogan. He was a two-time winner of Manager of the Year (87 & 94), and his on-camera pieces are the stuff of legends. The man was a Hall of Fame shit-stirrer, and ain't nobody gonna top this pick.
Drew, Kevin, I leave the last two queefs for you. Assuming you've finished your ball-slapping competition.
6.3: Drew - YOU KNOW I FINISH MY BALL SLAPPING COMPETITIONS BEFORE I HAVE MY DESSERT! And my dessert is FEASTING on you fools. Let me come and show you guys what a real manager looks like. How a real leader gets shit done. Both your picks are great, they really are. Shit stirrers and rabble rousers of the highest order indeed.
But none of them are worth of carrying ERIC BISCHOFF'S SWEET LEATHER JACKET.
83 weeks. That's how long Bischoff out booked and out programmed the king of pro wrestling, Vince McMahon. The Monday Night Wars are a legend and en epic. You don't have those without Eric. You wanna take being a stable leader? You guys ever hear of a little group called NWO? Bischoff didn't just start a faction, he started a WAR and for 83 weeks, he won that war.
(I'm also turning a blind eye to his many mistakes as a promoter but those don't count against him as a stable manager in my book)
Sledge, finish us off just like you did that weekend we all spent drunk in Tahiti.
6.4: Kevin - My manager is easy. Best mind in the business. Benjamin Raven.
Editor’s note: Due to the framework this entire madcap idea was based on, the version of all the wrestlers AND managers have to be in the timeframe of 1985 through 1999. Ergo, ol’ Captain Dick Sledge just drafted the 1999 version of our beloved hirsute Professor Benjamin Beardsworth aka Middle School Ben.
And there we have it! Six rounds of butt-touchery culminating in four stables of incredibly talented athletes. They are as follows:
The Power Bottoms – Andre the Giant, Goldberg, Sting, Triple H, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, Middle School Ben Raven
Legacy – Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bret Hart, Ric Flair, Mick Foley, Dusty Rhodes, Eric Bischoff
The Bulgy Boyz – the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, the Ultimate Warrior, Kevin Nash, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Jimmy Hart
Mega Fucks – Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, Yokozuno, Owen Hart, Jake the Snake Roberts, Bobby the Brain Heenan
Each group has their own merits, but we want to hear it from YOU – vote on your favorite stable below, and we’ll discuss the winner on the podcast!